WARNING: The following chapter contains heavy usage of Pokemon violence. Read at your discretion. This is only satire, I do not actually condone Pokemon violence, and the following characters are based off a comic some friends made separetely.
To the west of Indigo Plateau, just before you cross into North Kanto Forest, there stood a cave. Not many trainers have discovered this cave due to its isolation, but indeed it was a gateway. Enter that cave, and you will follow a path to Hell.
In the Second Layer of Hell, there was a Stronghold powered by tortured, enslaved Pikachu’s. Each Pikachu was hooked up in an isolated cubicle, and was forced to generate power when needed. Should any Pikachu slack off, it was force-evolved into a Raichu. Inside the Stronghold, there lived a trio of Pokemon haters. Their leader, a hoodlum in a hoodie was Chris. Chris was a certified gym leader, and if you beat his Pokemon, you get awarded the Land of the Dead Badge, something you cannot be a Pokemon Master without. The second in command was Steve, Chris’s brother. Steve was suave and sophisticated, and always held up the police to make sure they do nothing to help. Finally, there’s Bob, a young guy who’s pretty trigger happy. He had a Meowth that could talk in a “Gangster Brooklyn” accent.
Chris, Steve & Bob and Meowth sat in a Red Sports Car Convertible, ready to take off into Kanto to kill wild Pokemon. “Everyone ready?” asked Chris in the drivers seat.
“We got crossbows and darts, nail guns, cattle prods, magnets, we got a full inventory!” said Meowth.
“Buckle in, and lets go!” said Steve.
“And we’re off!” said Chris, as he shifted into 1st gear, and quickly into 2nd, driving out of the Second Layer of Hell and into Kanto.
“Look, our first target!” said Bob, who spotted something in the woods. Chris pulled over and they all got out to investigate.
“Look, it’s a Mr. Mime!” said Meowth.
“Mime?” asked Mr. Mime. “Mister Miii-iiiime!” said the silly Mr. Mime.
“Haha, I know just what we’re going to do.” said Chris, who walked up to the Mr. Mime. Chris then started to mime-draw a box, and he then placed the invisible box over Mr. Mime.
“Mime!” said Mr. Mime, apparently claustrophobic. “Mr. Mime! Mr. Mime! Mr. Mime!” said Mr. Mime, gasping for air.
“Haha, poor thing’s suffering!” said Bob.
“Wait for it... Wait for it...” said Steve.
“Mr. Mime!” and Mr. Mime gripped its fist, punched its chest, and started to bleed.
“Oh! It stabbed itself with an invisible knife!” said Bob.
“Meowth, that’s right!” said Meowth.
“Right, moving on!” said Chris with no trace of emotion.
Chris, Steve & Bob and Meowth continued on it the woods. They eventually reached a stream with brambles around it. Against the brambles, there lay a sleeping Snorlax, pillowed by bushes leaves.
“Hah, piece of cake.” said Bob. “Meowth, get the Crossbow.” Bob commanded to Meowth.
“Yoooouuuuu got it!” said Meowth, who equipped himself with a Large, Heavy Crossbow, armed with ultra piercing bolts. “Fire!” said Meowth, who launched an ultra piercing bolt into the Snorlax’s heart.
“Snor!” said the Snorlax, awoken with the pain of the crossbow bolt piercing his heart, the Snorlax was in agony and its eyes were wide open.
“Fire two!” said Meowth, launching another ultra piercing bolt, this one to its neck.
“Snorlax!” said the Snorlax, and it fell over with a mighty *THUMP*, a pool of blood emerged from the fat, Snorlax carcass. Chris, Steve & Bob and Meowth walked away.
Two hours had passed and Chris, Steve & Bob had murdered about 20 Pokemon. “Oh hey, look!” said Chris, as he noticed something on the ground.
“Ditto!” said a friendly looking Ditto with a smile. Chris walked up to it, and *SPLAT!* as he stomped on the Ditto, mercilessly killing it.
Chris, Steve & Bob and Meowth walked back to their car and got into it. “Alright, Road Trip time.” said Chris. “We’re gonna go around Kanto and kill Pokemon belonging to Pokemon Trainers. First up, Lavender Town area!” Chris finished.
“Yeah!” said Steve.
“Yeah!” said Bob.
“Yeah!” said Meowth, as Chris shifted into first, and quickly into fourth and sped to Pewter Highway onto Kanto Expressway headed to Celadon City. Pink Floyd music blasted in their car, coexisting with the Pokemon anime.
Word of God note: I felt really bad killing that innocent Ditto. I hereby declare that it did survive.
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